I figured after not writing for a few days that I could write a little something. I'm getting more into this diary thing then I thought I would. Sometimes I find myself thinking about something during school and I can't wait to come home and write about it. Other times I don't. I sit in front of the computer thinking about what I want to say, what point I want to get across and I don't know what to say, or what point to prove. Right now is one of those times.

When I came back to writing in this thing I promised myself that it wouldn’t become a pointless diary about nothing, I wanted it to be more like a journal saying how I felt rather then what I did. I hope it's coming out the way i wanted it to.

Derek called three times tonight. It's really weird not being a part of each other’s lives like we normally are. I mean everyday I used to talk to him and tell him the tiniest detail about everything I did that day. Now its like nothing, no communication. I mean he's called a few times. The conversation isn't real. It's more like a, tell me how things are, I love u and miss you and can't wait to see you conversation all in about 3 minutes. 3 minutes isn't enough time to talk about a week. I'm not complaining, in a way I think that this is very good for us. I'm just stating the fact that it's a little weird.

By saying this could be a good thing for us I mean we needed this. We were one of those couples who saw each other everyday during the summer. Everyday and all day. If I would hang out with friends he came, same if he hung out with friends. That’s a good thing when two people can spend a whole summer together and not hate each other. But it's not good when one person gets mad when the other wants to hang out alone with his friends. I don't want to be like that, I never wanted to be. I trust him completely 100% but when you are not used to being without that person for a whole day I guess that’s when it gets like that. The person becomes your best friend, in some cases your only friend. And that’s what is not healthy. This time away, without even communication is good, neither of us worrying about the other, being mad at the other, or worried about pissing the other off. It’s a good thing but I can't wait for him to come back. I miss him a lot.

I guess I did think of something to write. So I'm pleased. Kay I'm going to sleep goodnight all!

then || now

11:22 p.m. || 01.31.03