I feel like I'm being a horible friend. but these past few weeks have been so chaotic I think I've lost track of priorities. I probably should have noticed this before I decided I feel like an ass.

It's just, everyone from my past seem to be coming back. I seem to be making friends. Imagine me making friends once again who would of thought it.

For a while it was Derek and I, all I had was my Derek. I lost track with friends and everyday it was the two of us. Even if we did hang out with friends we did it together. He was all I had. Then I met a certain person and I became extremely good friends with that person. We hung out a lot and talked all the time. I loved it, I love her.

I was kind of a bad girlfriend and I realize that now. If he wanted to go out I would get mad. But the main reason to that was because I did not have any friends to call up last minute to hang out with, so I would sit at home alone. Kind of wallowing in my own patheticness. But Derek went on cruise and I think during that time I learned that I don't need him everyday, every second of the day. I realized I miss my friends. I mean when I used to go out without Derek I almost felt guilty and would make excuses to go home early or not to go at all. That was bad.

Now I can go out without Derek and I let him go out. My friends are calling me, they are talking to me. Even my old best friend, now that she is single she'd been back to her old self, she even said how she realized what she did too. Maybe all people in realationships do it because I've noticed I'm not the only one.

Well now that the old friends are back I think I took my new one for granted. I feel horible, I just missed the old days. I've just had no time and I know thats no excuse I should make time. I'm sorry. I really am a bad friend. I will make time, I'm sorry.

then || now

11:04 p.m. || 03.13.03