I don't know how to feel. i don't know what to feel. i don't know how to react or how to make myself stop crying. every little thing reminds me of you. no matter how small that thing may be. every word said makes me think of you and when I think it is all over with. Even now writting this I have to choke back the tears. I guess it is for the best. I guess this is how things should be. I just can't help but wonder if it is how it should be. if it is for the best. I guess we can't go on pretending anymore. but its just so sudden. maybe I'd be less shocked if it was talked about a little bit more.

if I don't keep myself busy then I notice those small things that remind me of you so much. then I start asking questions and I start getting scared. I can't picture life without. I can't picture life any other way. but I guess it is a good thing. I wonder if it is forever, but I am afriad to ask.

I'll write more later maybe. I'm tired now. my eyes hurt.

then || now

10:36 p.m. || 04.20.03