I don’t know why I am such a screw up. I mean its reallt pretty simple. Just don’t do it, “say no” even more simply, think. Last night I was writing and entry when my mom left to bring my brother somewhere, I figured it was the perfect time to tell my dad so I couldn’t finish. I still am not going to finish I can’t I lost my train of thought on that.

They asked me why I did it. Honestly I don’t know. I don’t even think there is a real reason. I am a teenager and I drank, yes I know if I fucked up. I know I risked our lives but intending to drive. But I didn’t drive. I know I fucked up…

My mom is seriously thinking about sending me to some counseling for alcohol or something like that. That kinds of makes me shake my head. Like I said I am really not a bad kid. Counseling? For what? I am not an alcoholic. Not even close I don’t drink every weekend I actually barely ever even drink. I am not that bad of a kid. I could drink every weekend blaze every day and sneak behind their backs. I’m not proud of getting kicked out but counseling? I could see if this was an all the time thing.

My dad is really pissed at me. Last night while telling them I changed the story slightly. Probably not the best idea. He seemed really fine with me telling him. He seemed kind of relieved and told me how much I have improved and become a better person from what I used to be. He told me that he trusts me and that I give him no reason not to. Then today he finds out that my story was not completely true. I freaked. He asked me a question I didn’t want to answer. I wasn’t prepared and I wasn’t ready I freaked out and lied. Yea mistake. He went from being okay and wanted to deal with the problem like adults to being pissed and not trusting me any more. Wow I really know how to fuck things up a lot. What more can I say besides, I fucked up.

then || now

10:28 p.m. || Tuesday, Jan. 21, 2003