Somehow I think books are bad for you. I’ve been thinking about that lately as I have had my nose in every single book I hear about and can find. I figure a book is like an intellectual friend. I find myself living the day as though everything is a waste of time, all I want to do is sit in my room, in the quiet and read my book. Is this a bad thing? I read through class, I read through study period, I’ve even attempted to read through lunch. I read through my break at work. I wanted to come home from work and read a.s.a.p. but I had to eat dinner with the family first.

Books have got me thinking a lot and I’m not quit sure it is a good thing. It’s almost as though I walk through school like a zombie. But I mean sometimes I don’t want to have an irrelevant conversation that will be forgotten in .256 seconds. Sometimes I just want to talk about intellectual things with intellectual people and not about how people are wearing their hair the next day or what color shirt they are wearing to work today. I honestly don’t give a fuck. I want to talk to people about what they are thinking. Sometimes I just want to crawl inside their mind, or maybe somewhere so I could peek through their eyes and view life as they see it. I want to see if they have my thoughts. I mean is what I think what other people think? Or am I some sort of freak? Maybe that is why I find books to be intriguing. I get to get inside the head of someone else and feel, see, smell, taste, and understand that that person is doing at the time.

I just feel so outside sometimes. Like while walking down the hall, I heard the pointless conversation and roll my eyes. I feel like I am separate form everyone else. Maybe I can blame this separation on the books I am reading. They have some what opened my eyes and made me realize how pointless most things are.

or maybe I am just so exhausted, so tired of everything that is going on and I just want things to slow down. I want things to stop changing. I hate change.

I’m so frustrated I lost concentration and I cant type what I want to say. I surrender for the night I think I am wearing myself wary.

then || now

11:55 a.m. || 03.06.03