No i'm not back from Hiatus. but it is weird not writing when I want to. I want to write so bad.

We had our senior year retreat today. I just wanted to put these lyrics in here

Another turning point a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

there was a slide show played at the mass. I felt like crying but I didn't. I mean this song started playing and reality hit. I am a senior. These four years are over. The picutures in the slide show made me so sad. I mean I spent four years with these people. I have four years of memories with these people. and on May 31st it is all going to be over. I am going to be going to college and growing up. My time of goofing around is over and things get serious now.

I hate knowing that May 31st is the last day I am going to see these people. I know I say i can't wait tog et out of it and how much I have it. But truth is I am going to miss it. I know on May 31st people will repeat over and over with a smile on there faces, "I'll call you, we definatly have to hang out, we wont lose tounch I promise" and I know I will probably say it myself. But reality is I won't see most of those people again. and I am afraid to learn which people those are going t be.

Derek was looking through the year book last night, reading senior memories and commenting on them. saying things like "Don't talk to her anymore", "cant stand him", looking at the memories and saying "wow i forogt about that" and other comments that made me think. All of these so called memories are going to disapear in a way. People are going to look back at their year books in a year and read an inside joke from a "best friend" and say "wow we were best friends, I forgot about that day" and think mayeb we should give that person a call. But we don't. We just think about it and life goes on. I don't know if I am ready to let my memories go yet. I don't know if I am ready to leave some of these people yet.

College is comming closer and I don't think I am as excited as I had been. Don't get me wrong, I want to get out of here and escape but can't I take everything and everyone I know with me. Maybe that defetes the purpose.

Well this turned into much more of an entry then I wanted it too. oops.

I am afriad to leave what I know behind I am afraid to lose what I love

then || now

12:51 a.m. || 03.25.03