"theres a hunger longing to escape, the life I live, when I'm awake"

I can't wait to leave. I can't wait to leave so many things behind. I know I keep repeating myself. over and over and over. but the truth is I can't take this place anymore. Home, school, work. There is no escape from what makes me feel this way.

But ya know what? I am going to go to school. I am going to love it at first. I will be one my own. Allowed to make any desicions I want to make. I can fuck up when I want too. and I can deal with the consequences myself. No lectures. But after I get used to it I am going to miss what I hate now. It's almost inevetable. I am going to get sick of life there and I am going to want things to go back to the way they are now. Or maybe not. Maybe I will like certain things and dislike others. Who knows. I mean I keep saying going to school is an escape from my life now. but what happens when my life is to much to handle while I am there. Where do I go to escape.

I have friends now. I have a few people I cherish. Now i have to go to a school where I have one friend who is not a freshman. I know he'll help me make friends. I'm so glad he is there, I'm so glad I'm not going to be alone. but I have to start all over. i have to make new friends. I will probably be back stabbed by these friends and I will probably have to learn who my real friends are all over again. I am petrified of something I can't wait to do.

then || now

6:22 p.m. || 04.06.03