Yeah I am a diary slut today. Just had a lot of thoughts I guess. I realized I’ve grown up a lot. I mean I went from a loud obnoxious freshman who thought I was cool cause I could go to the mall without my mommy. I made fun of the “geeks” and the freaks I basically tried to fit in and everyone was my “best friend” when really none of them actually knew me at all. I don’t even think I knew who I was. I didn’t do good in school and I fooled around all day.

I did grow up, I do my own thing now. I can honestly say that I have a few good friends and I can count them on one hand. And sort of regrettably I say this, I don’t trust anyone 100%. I barely even trust myself. There are people that may know about 95% of my secret life but there is no one that knows everything. I don’t need to tell anyone either, it’s mine and I like it that way.

I noticed I grew up and changed by watching other people, such as my brother who is a freshman and his friends. All the petty arguments they get into, the boyfriend girlfriend trials, trying to fit in. He talks to me about that and I laugh saying it will all be over in a few years. But back then those things were everything. And back then really wasn’t that long ago. Some of it just a year ago.

I’ve grown I have my circle of friends I have my Derek I get good grades and I found a college I want to go to. I don’t need the fake friends I don’t need the drama of high school and I am ready to get out and move on.

then || now

11:08 p.m. || Tuesday, Jan. 14, 2003