I wish she would talk to me. I hate not knowing what to ask, when to ask it. I hate not knowing if it wants to be answered, the awkward pause in between and the short answer that follows. not being a part of your life, not getting a phone call to hang out, not hearing about your day, not being a part of your day. but I guess this is both our faults. I guess we might both be asking questions. Maybe we are both afraid to say. Maybe I am the only one with these questions. Maybe you don't want to tell me, maybe you dont want me there. I'll give you your space, I'll do the best I can. But I do worry, I wonder. I don't want you hurt. I wish you could talk to me. I wish you wanted to. I guess for now I'll just watch from afar and stay on the side. I don't want to be in your way. I don't want to force you. I just wish you knew how much I care how much I hurt, how far on the outside I really am, saddened while I am looking in.

two entries in less then a half hour. I couldn't help myself I needed to type. now I need sleep I am so tired.

then || now

11:18 p.m. || 03.21.03