All this shit is not intentional. It just sucks. but maybe by seeing things through another persons eyes there is a whole different out look. I am mad at myself right now. I can't believe how I let myself react. I was a jeaous freak and I let that take over me. I've had time to think about this in my sleep and before my sleep. Maybe I just wasn't ready for such a change. Maybe things were not looked at through my eyes either, as I had not looked through hers. I was hurt. I was pushed away. or maybe that is just how I saw it. I didn't feel good enough any longer. But last ngiht for some odd reason I talked to someone about it. I know I sounded like a raving lunatic because basically I was. I'm a senior in high school, I need to get over this first grade drama deal and grow up. I need to learn that people are going to make friends with other people, and I need to learn that things aren't always the way that they are percieved. The other person may see the situation through a whole different light.

I was also not completely guiltless here either. I admit I tried to seperate myself a little bit more. but I did it for a good reason because if I didn't I really think I would have exploded. Things would have been said and later things would have been regreted. I didn't feel a part of it so I made myself not a part of it.

I'm done with this. I'm done talking about it, fighting about it, thinking about it. Maybe if I do that I can forget that deep down inside I am still that jealous little bitch that caused this problem that never needed to be started in the first place.

then || now

7:11 a.m. || 03.18.03