I havent really written an entry in a while. there hasnt been to much to say. I gues sits kind of bad when the only time I feel like writting is when I am upset. I mean shouldnt I be able to write all the happy things too? maybe I don't feel a need to record the happy things that go on in life. Sort of like how people only take pictures of the happy things, ignoring the sad things. except the opposite. I think it is harder to write when I am happy. I mean when I am happy I think less, so I really have no thoughts to write down. I guess in a way that is a good thing. I still have the thoughts but they don't bother me as much. I can make it through an entire day without caring about my exact purpose on this world and without wondering if there is a point. I am happy now and I have nothing to prove to anyone.

I have learned some things within the past few weeks. There is this one person that I am not very happy with right now. I find it very hard to be around that person and probably will never talk to this person voluntarily. This person hurt me. Many people talk to me and tell me how much I should hate this person, they tell me I should just punch her in the face, they say that they would. they say I am handling this very well for someone in the state I am in. But what state am I in really? I dont think they know. Because yes I dislike this person very much as I have already said. But I think it would be an entire waist of time to do something like bitch at the person or punch them in the face. I think I'll just avoid the person. Im leaving in a few months anyway. besides the thing it is over I don't even want anymore. like I said I have learned a few things in the past few weeks and I am verycontent with the way things are going right now. I am smiling and I am happy

on another note my parents have been odd lately and in a way I am frightened. I slept out last weekend, they didnt ask for the number where I was staying, didnt call my cell phone all night. even a few times this week I would randomly disapear from my house for a few hours. I wouldnt really explain where I was going or what i was doing. I would just grab the keys say I had to run some errands and todl them to call my cell if they needed me and left. They never even called. not even last night when I was out till 10 on a school night. Maybe they are begging to trust me more, maybe they are begging to realize I am going to be 18 in less then a week. maybe they are learning to let go a little bit more. Whatever it is I am glad it is happening.

then || now

10:01 a.m. || 05.08.03