I really am excited to go off to college. I mean there is so much shit here that I want to leave behind. I go through my day thinking about how nice it will be next year, two hours away, starting everything brand new. Where no one knows me. I can't wait to leave his shit hole that I call home.

Then I think about certain people. There is one person that I can think in particular who I have been thinking about and they know who they are. Until today they did not even know I was thinking about them. But I was. I have grown so close to this person that I can't even think about going somwhere two hours away. I talk myself into thinking everything will be okay and I make myself stop thinking about it. I seem to do that a lot. I lie to myself to make things go away.

I'm tired. I want to go away. But then again ironically enough I hate change. But maybe i need this change so much. I need everything to start from the beginning. To erase itself. But I didn this to myself I guess I have to live with it.

then || now

11:17 p.m. || 03.11.03