the sex talk this morning was interesting and probably the highlight of my day. Work was pretty good I only had a four hour shift for once they're usually six hours. I didn't really work with anyone to interesting except Matt. Matt is one of my favorite people at work and always knows how to make me smile. I'm glad heres there.

Things with friends have been odd. I'm trying to accept them but I think I am acting more like a jealous freak then an accepting loving friend. But I can't help it I feel like I've been shonved aside. But then again maybe I deserve this because I did almost the same to someone. And then again I think I am reading way to much into this. I mean it really should not be getting to me at all. I should be extremely happy. I mean its nothing I am just acting like a jealous freak. I swear I am. I know I am, people have told me I am and I can tell I am. I'm reading way to much into this and taking things the wrong way. I need to stop. I am going to make myself stop because I hate myself for acting like this. I hate myself for thinking like I am right now because I garentee that my friends aren't even sure of what they are doing, they dont see things the way I am seeing it, I am reading into this more then I read into instructions to a new game. I am taking every single thing said or done personaly and I really dont have a reason to do that. I'm sorry.

then || now

7:50 p.m. || 03.17.03