I just finished watching the first half of Pearl Habor. It is one long ass movie. I think if I had watched it alone tonight I would have cried. I was real close to tears, then I remembered I wasn't alone and took a deep breath. It made me think a lot about what is going on now with Iraq. I mean all those men and woman out there fighting. And they are risking their lives for people they dont't even know, not even to the slightest acquantace. I wish I could get inside their heads and know what they are thinking how they are feeling. If they are scared. Who they miss. Why they are doing it. If they really want to be doing it. I mean ther all seem so brave, almost inhuman. But then I watc this movie and yes I know its hollywood, but I try to put myself in their shoes. i try to picture myself handling what they handled. and all I can think of is crying, panicing, and feezing. I dont think I would be able to move. The people who fight for the country are truly heroes. I mean I couldn't do it. I wish I could. I wish I could say that I would be willing to risk my life for my country. I love my country. I am glad I live hear. I wouldn't change that for the world. I wish I could be as brave as all the people fighting. I wish I could be as sre of myself. I mean they seem so sure. Everything they do is without a question. They get an order they do it, no time to think no time to react. they just do it. They make desicions that will effect the lives of not only themselves but others. I don't think I could handle the pressure of a desicion like that. I think I would crack. I mean I can't even make a desicion on a fricken movie to watch. I really can't handle any life threatening problems. I guess we can all say its safe to say i wasn't borm to be president. Even the other day my mom was telling me how someone she knows son is out there and he sent a picture home and everyone got to see it. I wish I could have seen it. Even when my mom was telling me I kind of got a little teary eyed. I mean it means a lot to me for someone to be out there. To have that courage I long for, even if they are pretending. At least they show me hope. They show me strenth. They give me something to pray for. They are worth my prayers.

then || now

12:08 a.m. || 04.06.03