| me vs. me |
|
I really don't know how to react to this. I don't know weather I should be extremely upset and break down into tears or what I should do. I mean I really don't want to get into extreme details. it's not my place to write it all down here for everyone to see and everyone to judge. That would be childish, placing my own personal problems on the web for everyone to feel bad for me. So I'm not going to do that I'm just going to explain how I am feeling because I need to write this down.
I thought that of all people in the world to turn to, of all people I admire and respect this person would be the last person that I would ever get into something like this with. My heart is beating so rapidly that I can feel it in my throat, I am so upset that I felt a heat wave over my skin I can't stand to wear this sweatshirt any longer. My fingers are shaking and I am clenching my teeth, grinding them. I really don't know how to take this but yes I am upset about this and now here comes another argument. Maybe its me? maybe I'm the fucking queer. I mean until I say something everything is wonderful then i have to be the fucker and the fighting begins. i'm not in the fucking mood for anything right now, I'm still kind of appalled at what happened earlier. and apparently I am right, I am fighting with myself. i swear I hate tlaking to people online. You can't hear the tone in someones words if they send it through a text, and things can be taken the wrnog way. Matter of fact a lot can be taken the wrong way, just the different way people percieve things to be. Thats when fights happen when misunderstandings happen. or they happen when people are to pre-occupied with something else to pay attention to what is going on, even if it seems to be a slightly important thing happening. Wow I really don't know how to feel I almost feel like this is a one sided battle, like I am doing this to myself, fighting with myself and almost like it is pointless because apparently this is going no where, and who knows where it will end up. Sometimes I just feel so goddamn useless, Like I am a fuck up and that is all I am. I don't think I can smile again tonight. I am sorry.
|
|
11:05 p.m. || 02.26.03 |